I'm so frustrated right now. I don't even know how to explain it honestly. There is a mess of emotions going on in my head and noone seems to be able to understand me.
I don't want to fuck around anymore. I don't want to have sex with multiple people anymore. I don't want to do erotic photo work anymore. I don't want to be a porn star.
Why can't people who say they love me respect me enough to not try while I try to grow myself the fuck up where I am FINALLY strong enough to work everything my way? Where when someone jokes with me, the thought doesn't even cross my mind. I just say no bluntly and move on. No harm no foul.
Why do I feel obligated to do things I did before? Why can't I just say no bluntly and move on with my life? What is wrong with me that I can't grow myself up to the person that I want to be so badly?
----Oh, by the way, my mom says that she is seeing more and more signs lately that I have the same type of epilepsy that she has.... which, SURPRISE!!!! can be genetic.
And on top of everything, I'm not supposed to bleed at all because I have that stupid implanted birth control device, so thank the fact that I AM for the incessant mood swings for the next day or so. Fuck birth control. Fuck sex. Ugh.....
Also, yes I just realized I gave you tmi. I'm in a bad mood. You will deal. :D
Brittany, I for one am very proud of you. Not because of what you do or don't do, but because you are deciding what that is! I have lived a life of letting everyone else control me and tell me what to do, but I have finally decided this past week that "I just don't have to care anymore!" Not what others want, think, believe, desire, or if they like me or NOT! I'm just me! Take it or leave it, and I feel like that is where you are headed! Keep at it, and after a while, you won't mind just saying NO! And, yest eventually they will get tired of it and stop asking! It is hard to stand up for yourself, but if you don't, WHO WILL? no one! Love ya girl! Aunt Karen
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